Tag: Haas
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Obituary: Haas
Haas, Bunstructioneer extraordinaire best known for his tunnelling prowess and astute political commentary, died suddenly at the age of 11 earlier this month. As a youngster, Haas fell in with the wrong crowd in Banbury, Oxfordshire, a national hotspot for lagomorph delinquency with worryingly high reoffending rates that continue to spiral out of control under…
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Gender confusion
Katrijn. Yes, dear Haas? Do you think it is confusing for our fanbase if we stick two ears up at traditional gender roles and sit in whatever hay box we like? Haas my dear… …we lagomorphs are positively famous for confusing humans when it comes to gender. It’s why we are so admirably successful as a species!
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By George! The paps are busy peeps…
I have to say, Haas, I feel for that little Prince George. Not only does he have a mother who does eyeliner like it’s the 1980s (I blame her air hostess mother), he has the paparazzi affliction almost as bad as we do. Monday 8.03am: first pap of the day Good grief, they have alarm…
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Haas makes major archaeological discovery
++++++Breaking news++++++ While on his summer dig, Haas has made a major archaeological discovery, thought to date back to prehistoric times. We have an unconfirmed report that police have cordoned off the area to protect the site from paparazzi and tourists while a team from the Ashmolean Museum carries out a forensic excavation. Katrijn was…
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Rumours of a Bexit are exaggerated
Mes amis! No, the Bunnington Post isn’t quitting subversive journalism. In fact, me and my friends Haas and Katrijn have been under the impression our waitress was busy publishing our news when she wasn’t. Needless to say we have been horrified to have been misled so, and she is on her final warning. She is…
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Cold War II
Dave, ma’e. If Gorby texts ter say a new Col’ War is on da books, take da man seersly, yeah. ‘e ended da las’ one while you were still tryin’ ter control yer testosterone levels by pullin’ pafe’ic pranks at da Bullin’don Club wif yer measly ma’es. An’ while we’re on da topic: A cold…
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Putin’s Poroshenko problem
ORRITE, Puters? […] Yeah, Ahll ‘ave ter keep i’ shor’ Vlad, on accoun’ of da wife no’ likin’ me talkin’ ter you ma’e. […] Nah, i’s’s no’ abaht us goin’ thru our bi-curious phase togevva an’ she da jealous type. I”s da fact dat you are a Russian dicta’or wot makes ‘er umconfor’able. Yeah? An’…
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Haas goes a-lumberjackin’
ORRITE? So. Mah wife Katrijn an’ Ah ‘ave been busy mowin’ da lawn at da manshiun fer da las’ two weeks or somfink. It’s lookin’ good, mefinks. Yeah? Da waitress ‘as done a sterlin’ job makin’ sure da danderlions are growin’ everywhere dis spring, as apprecia’ed spesh by mah frien’ Bouffe, who’s ‘avin’ a bi’…
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I did not oversleep
Wot? Yeah, so, Sunday is abaht sleepin’ in, orrite?! Mah wife Katrijn likes ter ‘ave a li”le lie-in hersel’. Nuffink wrong wif sleepin’ is wot Ah fink. Ahm not sleepy ORRITE, Ahm squin’in’ in da sun…
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Putin’s nightmare mayor
Haas. Snarf, mah pe’al? That’s your Skype ringing. Hm? Oh bollocks. It’s ‘im. Da Impaler Better answer that. His heavies will have told him you’re just lounging. No excuse for not answering Vlad. ORRITE … Sochi. Yeah. Ah’ve ‘eard of it. Ter do wif sports, innit? Erlimpic sumfink or ova. …! Wot? Rainbows? …!? Gay…
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