Putin’s Poroshenko problem

ORRITE, Puters?

Putin on the phone


Yeah, Ahll ‘ave ter keep i’ shor’ Vlad, on accoun’ of da wife no’ likin’ me talkin’ ter you ma’e.



Nah, i’s’s no’ abaht us goin’ thru our bi-curious phase togevva an’ she da jealous type.

I”s da fact dat you are a Russian dicta’or wot makes ‘er umconfor’able.  Yeah?

An’ Ahm busy ‘avin’ a poo.


Nah, we’ve put da Kim Jong Il inciden’ behin’ us, aven” we? You were jus’ experimen’in’.


Katrijn doesn” like ter socierlise wif dicta’ors ‘n suppressors an’ da like. She gets ‘er belly full anyway when she’s trea’in’ ’em for their various personali’y disorders in ‘er prac’ice.

You lo’ are all crazy, yer know dat?!


Ahm talki’ ter you now because we ‘ave his’ory togevva an’ Ah feel sorry for you ma’e.


Ahm a bi’ of a softie, yeah.


Yer could be more gra’eful, Ah’ve go’ be”er fings ter do wif mah time, orrite Vlad?!


Apolergy accep’ed.


D-Day celebrashiuns, yeah…


‘e was dere too. Poroshenko. Indeed.

Wot’s da problem ma’e?


You fink ‘e likes you.


You fink you like ‘im.


‘e gave you ‘da’ look.

Putin eyes up Poroshenko



You just’ wan’ed to grab dat red tie and pull ‘im towards you an’ kiss ‘im and mess up ‘is hair wif yer ‘ands – Ah don” need ter ‘ear wot comes next


An’ it gave you bu”erflies and you don” know wot ter do wif yer feelin’s


Well, if i’ feels like da whole world is watchin’, dat’s because it is.




Wen Ah ‘ave ter make up wif Katrijn wen Ah’ve been bad?


Ah give ‘er back wot I stole from ‘er, ‘umby make amends an’ neva try again. Da recipe for a long an’ ‘appy marriage.

Haas and Katrijn lounging in the grass






  1. Priceless once again, Haas…what about taking a full time diplomat job? We could do with many more like you in politics… 🙂 (lagomorph wisedom rules!)


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