Category: Bouffe
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B for Bouffe
Eh bien mes amis, I have started the year by resolving to do more bungineering, branch out further into bunstruction and put my talents to use in interior decoration. An excellent combination, quoi? Especially for you my production team has produced the below reportage of me putting my personal stamp on my living space, to…
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A slightly hungover start to 2014
A very nappy happy New Year to all our loyal followers! May 2014 bring you inspiration, joy, happiness and health in generous doses. The Bunnington Post is in recovery after a week of celebrations and is slowly returning to normal. Morning after scene at the Bunnington Post newsroom: Meanwhile, in the country mansion, a hangover…
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Festive chilling
So. Advanced chilling was practiced chez Bouffe this Christmas. Most days I lounged for around 22 hours a day and occasionally twitched my nose or moved my whiskers. A few times I rolled onto my back to have my tummy rubbed by my staff for a bit of variety. The remaining time was spent doing…
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Les vacances de Monsieur Bouffe
Eh bien my dear friends, I’ve kept you waiting, for which I am truly sorry. You see, I’ve been rather busy with my film career and misleading the paps. So off I went for some quality time with my waiting staff, whom I took with me to Wales to serve me on set while filming…
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BAFFLED Labs, Bunstruction Division
Heatwave or no heatwave, I have work to do. 8:30 Rudely awakened by hapless waitress bringing brekkers. Obligatory wiggle-waggle with the ears and tail to amuse her. 9:06 brekkers out of the way, I position myself on my mat at the bottom of the stairs to guard the letterbox. It is also an excellent spot…
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Please form an orderly queue
My dear and loyal followers. When I finally publish my celebun memoir (which will be as soon as Putin has got a grip on his emotional meltdown – can’t say any more: gagging order) I need you all to remain calm and composed. I will be touring the country’s independent bookshops to promote my new…
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Icepods are for girls
Eh bien, if fait chaud, a bit hot today. Fortunately I am in the soothing company of a jar of frozen tikka masala sauce. I prefer sauce hollandaise myself, but you all know what my waitress is like. Waitress! Send my friends an icepod with my compliments. It’s too hot to bother today, Haas… Let…
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Whence the silence?
Yes. Sometimes being a celebun has its downsides. There is no such thing as quietly applying oneself to self-improvement through penning one’s autobiography without the blogosphere noticing and Twitterati speculating. But for those in the know, a self-imposed social media ban to focus on The Arts is a rule every artiste must obey. Absence makes…
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Excusez-moi
Hey babe, what brings you to my garden, hm? First of all, I refer to my colleague, Haas. Second, you will address my waitress as ‘Madame’.
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Sorry
Waitress: What do you say? Bouffe: I am very sorry. Waitress: about…? Bouffe: I am very sorry about the broken tea light. Waitress: and the tea light is broken because…? Bouffe: The tea light is broken because it fell on the floor Waitress: How did the tea light fall on the floor? Bouffe: because I…
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