My dear and loyal followers.
When I finally publish my celebun memoir (which will be as soon as Putin has got a grip on his emotional meltdown – can’t say any more: gagging order) I need you all to remain calm and composed.
I will be touring the country’s independent bookshops to promote my new book and have my picture taken with my fans.
Please have your eReader ready for me to
Lick it.
The Bunnington Post 
LOL!! Neville and Holly want you to know that their waitress has the Kindle ready for you…when are you coming to Nottinghamshire?
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Excellently trained waitress, good work, cousins! Mine is learning to drive the stretch limo and as soon as she stops knocking over pedestrains standing on street corners I will instruct her to drive north…
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