Please form an orderly queue

My dear and loyal followers.

When I finally publish my celebun memoir (which will be as soon as Putin has got a grip on his emotional meltdown – can’t say any more: gagging order) I need you all to remain calm and composed.

I will be touring the country’s independent bookshops to promote my new book and have my picture taken with my fans.


Please have your eReader ready for me to


Lick it.


    1. Excellently trained waitress, good work, cousins! Mine is learning to drive the stretch limo and as soon as she stops knocking over pedestrains standing on street corners I will instruct her to drive north…


Spill your beans here - you know you want to!

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