A word of warning

So. We have had an unauthorised absence involving not one, but both of our members of staff in recent weeks. Although we had the benefit and pleasure of bossing around Frappe and Latte’s staff for near on two weeks, it is the principle that matters.

One does not abandon a lagomorph without due consideration for their feelings, preferences and expectations. Ours we thought we had made very plain:

• we feel entitled to 24/7, 365 days a year service from our own staff;
• we prefer to have brekkers served at exactly the right time, temperature and with the right amount of deference and respect;
• we expect our staff never to seek to renegotiate our shared understanding.

It is with regret that we have decided to put our staff in special measures as a result. The following applies until further notice:

1. on arrival staff will be presented with a view of our backsides until such time as we deem them worthy of our front view
2. snorgles may be administered strictly on our request
3. no litter trays and other favourite hangouts may be interfered with for at least a month

Let this be a lesson to all staff everywhere: go AWOL if you must; see how you like the consequences afterwards.