Scandal! Betrayal! Infidelity!

Posted on by

A shocking discovery was made when innocently flicking through holiday snaps taken by our staff.

Waiter was photographed while snorgling a long-tailed, short-eared wabbit.

cheat

Furthermore, waitress was seen fraternising with a dog who was not @pawsatthekerb Fletcher.

chica

Her feeble excuse?

“She followed me around and she was really friendly and happy to see me every day”.

Note yet another cat on the left in this unedited, incriminating photograph, proving that this was not an isolated incident.

Special measures are now in place indefinitely while we commence a programme of brain washing and training for our staff. We are seriously considering permanently replacing them with Frappe and Latte’s staff, who at least can be trusted to be loyal.

 

 

A word of warning

Posted on by

So. We have had an unauthorised absence involving not one, but both of our members of staff in recent weeks. Although we had the benefit and pleasure of bossing around Frappe and Latte’s staff for near on two weeks, it is the principle that matters.

One does not abandon a lagomorph without due consideration for their feelings, preferences and expectations. Ours we thought we had made very plain:

  • we feel entitled to 24/7, 365 days a year service from our own staff;
  • we prefer to have brekkers served at exactly the right time, temperature and with the right amount of deference and respect;
  • we expect our staff never to seek to renegotiate our shared understanding.

It is with regret that we have decided to put our staff in special measures as a result. The following applies until further notice:

  1. on arrival staff will be presented with a view of our backsides until such time as we deem them worthy of our front view
  2. snorgles may be administered strictly on our request
  3. no litter trays and other favourite hangouts may be interfered with for at least a month

Let this be a lesson to all staff everywhere: go AWOL if you must; see how you like the consequences afterwards.

img-20160828-wa000

Regarding immigrants

Posted on by

Much has been said about immigrants in the last months. We have a strong view on the subject of immigrants, and it is about time you all heard what it is.

Number 1.

Immigrants smell nice. Ours handle a lot of broccoli, kale and other greens, so this is perhaps a given, but nonetheless not to be sniffed at. Or actually, do sniff at immigrants. Just explain that it is because they probably smell of green vegetables.

Just in case.

Number 2. 

See number 1. The importance of kale for world peace cannot be overestimated.

Number 3. 

Immigrants are vilified by the thick and the malicious and the plain dangerous nutcases with more money than is good for the world. Generalisations are bandied about for populist ends and dark political agendas with no regard for truth or fact. Stupid people fall for this and start gobbling up stereotypes and plain lies to spew them out publicly as if racism, religious intolerance and hatred of those who are different from us are the new norm.

We can’t sit by and do nothing.

 

Number 4.

In the light of the above injustice we now have our very own immigrants who have moved into our vegetable garden.

Meet Frappe and Latte

FrappeLatteWorried

Look at their faces. Homeless and worried about what their future holds. Who would want to build a wall to ‘keep them out’?!

So we invited them to share our home and our staff with us. The Bunnington Post isn’t full.

They arrived with their own waiter and waitress and brought a new home. Latte made sure he looked well-groomed and presentable to our newsroom.

DFGroomingLatte

He has trained his waitress well.

Meanwhile, building works were progressing well.

JDBuilder

That’s their equally well-educated waiter wielding a screwdriver right there.

And finally Frappe and Latte were installed in their new home.

DFHutch

Facilities and the daily service have received the thumbs up from our lovely new friends…

FaveLattePic

…and the ladies have been having gossipy chats over the fence.

FrappeKatrijn

And Bouffe and Latte have been discussing equally gossipy matters of importance:

BouffeLatte

Now, if only humans could be as peaceful and understanding of each other… our world would be a whole lot more gentle and pleasant indeed.

There’s enough to go round for all of us.

FrappeLattedoLadyandTramp.jpg

 

Wotcher

Posted on by

Wotcher

Too busy ter talk, orrite

We ‘ave stuff goin’ down ‘ere like yer wouldn” believe

La’ers

Letter to 2016

Posted on by

Dear 2016,

What is going on with you? It’s only July and we’re bloody exhausted. What are you up to, giving terrorists a platform, allowing despots to rule, letting refugees drown in droves, closing borders and fuelling hate? The stuff you have been dreaming up belongs in the sphere of fantasy, in movie scripts and comics, not on our streets. You should be showering us all with love and prosperity, not rockets and bullets. Where did you go wrong?

Ah – paternity. Of course. 2015 wasn’t a particularly good role model. Neither was 2014, or 2013 and so on. Why not continue a rich tradition?

Weak excuse though. What happened to your backbone? Will this really do? Really, really do? Meaning that this is it?

No. No, and a million times no. We may be exhausted, but we will not give in to hate and terrorism. We will fight back with love and empathy and we will challenge and probe and disagree and mobilise opinion. We may be mute, but we won’t be silent.

We’re taking back 2016.

Yours with love and affection,

Bouffe, Haas and Katrijn

IMG_20160716_084652
IMG_20160706_182737

 

 

 

 

 

The fur is flying

Posted on by

Look how I resemble David Cameron’s cabinet.

KatrijnCabinet

The fur is flying, the teeth and claws are out. Discarded secretaries of state and junior ministers fluff everywhere and a selection of Michael Goves and George Osbornes wet, smelly pieces of shit, trodden into the carpet. I confess, I do love a bit of political drama.

Hark! Who darkens my door? Is it Theresa May?

Oh, it’s the waitress with a dustpan to clean up the mess. She’d make a fine PM herself.

 

No-one home

BouffeClematis.jpg