Cold War II

Dave, ma’e.

If Gorby texts ter say a new Col’ War is on da books, take da man seersly, yeah.

‘e ended da las’ one while you were still tryin’ ter control yer testosterone levels by pullin’ pafe’ic pranks at da Bullin’don Club wif yer measly ma’es.

An’ while we’re on da topic: A cold war is no’ anova photo oppertuni’y ahead o’ da general elecshiuns, orrite?!


An’ get sum readin’ glasses. Ah would jus’ like ter know dat you will in fac’ spot da small print Putin likes ter put in treaties an’ suchlike. Geddit?

Jus’ in case, Ahm takin’ sum precaushiuns mahself. No offence. Fanks.

Bouffe’s Halloween costume

Chers amis,

Merci beaucoup for your pictures of you dressing up as me at Halloween. Unfortunately, there are too many to post here! It is very nice to know I have been such an inspiration to my loyal following this year.

With many apologies for the delay: I hereby present you with my costume as worn at Halloween. I went as my favourite brekkers!


Bouffe's Halloween costume


I decided not to go trick or treating because of the disruption the journalists and paps would cause to my neighbours if I did. It does get tedious, what with helicoptres and drones overhead day in and day out, but they bear the burden of having celebrity neighbours very well!



The Bunny on the Tube (final part)

What you see is what you get.

Sometimes, maybe once in a lifetime,
you’ll experience an epiphany.
A revelation of some sorts.
A deeper insight into your very own self.

Having analysed this funny bunny,
being oh so content with my witty analysis,
going on with life, as anyone does,
and not suspecting the coming black swan,
I was completely caught by surprise,
by this sudden sledgehammer slam.

Thinking it was me looking at the bunny,
I simply overlooked the fact that the bunny was looking at me!

It was me who started this series to begin with.
It was me buying the tube.
It was me brushing my children’s teeth with this neuro-toxin.
It was me buying the tube again!

What you see is what you get,
and it’s me, that’s what you get.
This bunny isn’t staring into the headlights.
It’s staring at me!

The staring
The giggling
The boozing
The drugging
The gossip

it’s all on the tube.
For all to see.

So thank you dear bunny!
For pointing out my own insanity.
I can see now clearly who you really are.
You’re the bunny of the brave!

As for me,
I guess I just couldn’t see
the forest for the trees.


Exclusively for The Bunnington Post by Michael Forest
© Michael Forest 2014

The Onesie


Haas, what are you doing?

Come to bed, Katrijn is waiting for yououou…


Orrite mah lovely, jus’ a sec yeah

Jus’ ge”in’ meself a onesie, case Ahm goin’ ter need one

Flying in for brekkers

Nah, we ‘aven” go’ a trampoline. Dose are fer kids, orrite?

Mah wife, believe i’ or not, is always fasiunerbly late fer brekkers.

No’ dat dis puts me off mah meal or anyfink:

Paparazzi Poo

Da downsize of da NATO summi’, yeah, is da ineviterbel influx of iffy photo journos lookin’ fer a nice slebri’y pap snap ter flog on da side.

Ah can” even ‘ave a poo in peace a’ da momen’ wifou’ bein’ snapped

Look a’ da disgus’ on mah Katrijn’s fluffy face

nuff said