Rabbitting on with a headtilt

It has been nearly eighteen months since Bouffe acquired a headtilt. After the initial upset and steep learning curve we all adjusted within weeks to the new way of seeing things – at an angle. Bouffe is doing just fine and is rabbitting on with joy, perhaps because he has more privileges than before!

Freerange life

Bouffe’s headtilt means he is less into cables and furniture these days. He still likes to demolish things, but only if they are flat on the floor. Shoes, books, rugs and newspapers left on the floor are simply not safe when he is around. Quite helpful if your inner domestic god(dess) needs a helping hand in expressing itself.

Rug in a demolished state

Bouffe’s personal jute rug diverts his attention away from more precious furnishings

As a result of Bouffe’s new interests he has been 100% freerange ever since the onset of his headtilt. He enjoys is own personal corner where he likes to kip with his turkey toy or throw his food bowls about.

Preferably after someone’s just had the Hoover out…

FreerangeBouffe KipWithTurkey

Plenty of support

If his favourite chair leg isn’t available, there’s always the option of using available waiting staff as furniture. We don’t mind waiting to go to the loo while he sleeps!

Bouffe sleeping on my foot

Neither does the waiter…

Bouffe sleeping on his waiters feet

Although a chair leg can be more patient and less fidgety:

Bouffe hugging a chair leg

 

ChairHugging

And when he’s tired after playing with his favourite toy, it’ll prop him up while he dreams of more treats:

Bouffe sleeping on his toy

Exclusive dining

Day 1: Why isn’t my brekkers served in my new favourite spot, the understairs cupboard?!

Bouffe in the understairs cupboard

Day 2: I’ll have brekkers in the understairs cupboard, thank you.

Day 3: Why on earth would anyone serve my brekkers in the understairs cupboard?! Bring it to me. #youjustcantgetthestaffthesedays

FreeRangeBouffe2

A spot of al fresco dining on cecals:

Bouffe eating cecals outside

Excellent grooming

Bouffe’s ‘top eye’ is prone to conjunctivitis and needs cleaning every day, because he can’t wash his face easily himself, and his tear ducts are no longer having the benefit of gravity to drain naturally. The skin around it is very delicate can get irritated if he scratches it too much too.

If it gets too red, we dab a tiny amount of Sudocrem on it which soothes it and stops him scratching straightaway, and the next day it is peachy pink again.

BouffeTopEye

It is hard to see because it is closed, but this is his ‘bottom eye’ just after I’d cleaned it. It gets washed with tepid water and dried gently. He gets a drop of ointment in both eyes most days.

BottomEye

The ointment keeps the conjunctivitis more or less under control.

Fucithalmic Vet

At the moment Bouffe receives Norocillin or Duphapen Fort injections weekly. We administer these at home, picking up a three-week supply from the vet and taking him in for a check-up every ten or so weeks.

We also massage Bouffe daily, which seems to help him move. We can only imagine how much he seizes up by living such a lopsided life, however much time he spends on his side, resting.

What he likes best is to have his head supported so it is more upright, and have his cheeks, nose, sides of his neck and shoulders gently massaged. Massaging alongside his spine (not the spine itself!) seems to be ticklish, he usually starts to wriggle after a while and wants to groom himself!

Bouffe Massage

His head grows heavier and heavier in my hand and his whole body goes a bit limp as he relaxes into the strokes. After a while he’ll start licking my hand to reciprocate the attentions. After a massage he is noticeably more mobile and active and any abandoned footwear near the door is not safe!

Unlimited outside time

Allowing for someone being home – we have a pair of nesting red kites in the area as well as foxes and plenty of domestic cats – Bouffe has unlimited access to outside space too. When he first started to go outside again we let him fall off our raised deck on purpose (he fell about 6 inches onto a thick layer of mulch) and ever since he has been carefully negotiating the edges. He can still reach several plants including his favourite lavender, which he helps himself to whenever the mood takes him.

Unlike Haas and Katrijn, Bouffe never has been a fan of sitting on grass as we found years ago. Monsieur likes his home comforts, why risk damp feet, creepy crawlies and grass stains?! Grass is breakfast, lunch and dinner, it is not for sitting on – or worse.

He loves sleeping outside when it’s sunny.

SunningOutside

The winter jasmine provides welcome cover.

SleepingOutside

Every night he wants to go outside to patrol the perimeter before locking up. He also makes sure the furniture is where it should be. It’s a quick round of his realm, clearly not something he can leave to his staff. Funnily enough he is much less interested in doing any of these things when it’s raining…

Because he’s worth it…

It may sound weird, but where Bouffe was delightful to have around before his headtilt, he has become an absolute joy after.

Abused as he was when he arrived  – he was so thin he scored 0 on the Rabbit weight chart – he quickly started to trust us to always provide food and care for him.

rabbt weight chart

He started out being defensive and grumpy, but after mere weeks began to mellow and the laid-back Bouffe we know began to emerge. He still didn’t allow his hind quarters to be touched though, which our vet found a painful discovery when he went for check-ups!

Ever since his headtilt crisis he has become very, very trusting and affectionate and clearly tells us what he wants. He loves being groomed all over, especially when he is moulting which we imagine must be an itchy affair. He takes no offence at people wanting to stroke his magnificent tail either or inspecting his toenails.

He can throw himself into his favourite activities with a huge passion that is delightful to see, from his deep sighs of contentment while sunbathing to hour-long cuddle sessions and playtime with his toys.

We love Bouffe all the more for his quirks and sometimes wonder what he would have been like without his tilt: perhaps just a little less fun and loving? Whatever the answer might have been, we don’t mind not knowing.

 

 

Goodbye, dear Flopsy

Flopsy the rabbit

Cardinal Flopsy, close confidant of Pope Francis and driving force behind the recent papal encyclical on climate change, has died after a short illness.

Flopsy, who was also a well-known lagomorph bungineer specialising in earthworks, had been mourning the loss of his two wives, Tia and Mitzi since last year. Although according to his waitress he soldiered on bravely with his duties which included keeping the garden safe from invaders such as unauthorised leaves and Hamzilla, he never recovered the saucy spark he possessed while guarding his spouses.

Flopsy was a well-travelled bun and having spent considerable time in Vatican City, Slovakia, Wales and the North Oxfordshire Moors, he was fluent in Italian, Latin, Slovak, Welsh and curiously, Brum.

He often accompanied his waitress, a consultant bat-fancier, on research trips into abandoned buildings where his extraordinary olfactory ability allowed him to identify bat species by sniffing out droppings and make recommendations for their diet.

Close friend Katrijn paid tribute to the intrepid Flopsy and released a statement on behalf of Haas and Bouffe:

Flopsy was a dear friend who brought sunshine into the lives of those who met him. He was always expertly groomed and developed his own personal formula for fur-conditioner, the recipe of which is now sadly lost forever.

We fondly remember our many chats over the fence discussing the merits of white fur in summer, tunnelling techniques and waitress training. We ask the media for privacy while we grieve during this difficult time.

Flopsy
2007-2015

Beloved Husbun to Tia and Mitzi

International Bigamy Champion

Lagomorph Cardinal and Papal Climate Change Envoy to Slovakia

Honorary Fellow of the Royal Bat Fanciers Society of North Oxfordshire

Much missed by his waiting staff Sarah and Stuart

and all his friends at the Bunnington Post

Praise be the Original Bun!

Picture of black rabbit called Expresso

Guest editor Expresso explains the role of The Original Bun in waitress training

While I and my dear friend Latte languish in bunny boarding as a result of my entire waitstaff – all two of them! at the same time! – going off on a round-the-world trip, I ponder what went wrong in their training. This led me to the Original Bun.

The Original Bun has the biggest job of us lagomorph employers. Anybun who has been an OB knows the importance of gently but firmly breaking in totally inexperienced waiters and waitresses, who are often underage when they enter our employment. Their parents are mostly limited to procurement responsibilities, a role which should be respected as it has been proven to be the source of food.

My waitress’s Original Bun was the legendary Cilla. Records do not reveal why she was called this, and we know of no hot beverage called Cilla ourselves. A speech impediment may have played a role.

a young family and their rabbit

Cilla had the daunting task of training not one, but three waitresses. The above shows the procurement officer and two waitresses, for the avoidance of any doubt. 1970s hairstyles are confusing.

From the evidence we have unearthed, Cilla was a much adored bun who had her staff trained up very quickly and efficiently. There are no reports of sticky bum due to poor diet, nor of overgrown teeth or dirty litter trays. In fact, pictures of Cilla adorn our staff quarters.

We cannot explain why our staff have disappeared on a lengthy trip, beyond that they may have done so to keep a long-ago made promise to their Original Bun to go on a pilgrimage. This seems to be the most plausible explanation.

The importance of the Original Bun can still be felt today. A well-trained waitress/waiter is a gift for life. Despite being without our usual service and adoration, we are lodging in a 5* bunny boarding hotel where we have our personal physician, daily massages, strictly enforced paparazzi hours which have truly been a blessing, and are living in our own hutch, thankfully.

We know we have Cilla to thank for all this goodness, and hereby dedicate our next carrot to her enduring memory.

Expresso

Rumours of a Bexit are exaggerated

Mes amis!

No, the Bunnington Post isn’t quitting subversive journalism. In fact, me and my friends Haas and Katrijn have been under the impression our waitress was busy publishing our news when she wasn’t. Needless to say we have been horrified to have been misled so, and she is on her final warning. She is also getting the cold shoulder (except at brekkers, dinner-time, snack times and cuddle time).

Sooooo… What’s been happening?

Summer’s been happening. Haas and I have been having a flopping down contest:

HaasSunningHimself

Haas clearly likes grass for his flops. Gimme carpet any day, personally!

BouffeComma

HaasIntheSun

Also, in a separate misconduct case the waitress was caught throwing out Katrijn’s carefully constructed swamp last week. Despite Katrijn putting on a sit-down demonstration and Haas’s interference, in the bin it went.

KatrijnSwamp

CleaningOut2

We cannot say more about it for legal reasons other than that things might get ugly for a waitress on her final warning, let’s just say we have hired our friend @LeonardREW QC to handle the case, who as everyone knows is an expert in bunny swamp preservation cases.

On the romantic front Haas and Katrijn are as loved up as ever despite the food stealing and chasing:

HaasKatrijnGrooming

Eh bien, that is enough of our domestic news, next time we return to work properly with breaking news from our beloved correspondents across the world and of course the latest gossip news about the many brainless idiots running the world. A lagomorph’s work is never done.

Bouffe

Bouffe’s brekkers binkies

What I did yesterday, by Bouffe

Chers amis,

Yesterday was a really boring day.

Louis Theroux was following me around with his crew all day for his new documentary (you are not supposed to know that! Shhhh….), and I had a photo shoot for my upcoming book.

BouffeShoot

That’s me, in the blue chair being interviewed, in case you are wondering. Well. I am actually underneath it, minor detail.

Brekkers was so-so, so the waitress had to be spoken to. Plus ça change.

Then I had a snooze, and some veggies, then a snooze and some hay, then I had a big snooze. By then it was about 11 am, so a pretty productive day, if uneventful.

Anyway. I don’t have much to report, I did warn you it was boring. I am off for a snooze now methinks.

Bisous,

Bouffe.

Bouffe assassinated – does slipper belong to Putin?

From our reporter – No arrests have been made over the assassination of Bouffe in the early hours of this morning. Multiple theories exist about what is believed to be the murder weapon, a slipper.

Who killed Bouffe?

It is a question plastered across newspapers and billboards across the world today, as forensic experts work to establish ownership of the suspected murder weapon, a slipper found on the crime scene. One theory is adamant: the slipper belongs to Vladimir Putin, and the assassination is politically motivated. Another has it that Putin’s heavies are to blame, and it is them behind the murder: they all wear Kremlin-issued slippers.

BouffeAssassinated

While forensic investigators were combing the site of the gruesome crime against lagomorphs, crowds gathered outside to lay carrot wreaths and light candles, while a spontaneous rendition of Bright Eyes spread across the mourners.

Haas and Katrijn have appealed for privacy and space for the investigation to take its course. A statement from Haas read:

“Bouffe was mah mate, yeah, orrite, so buzz off wif yer drones flyin’ ova mah manshiun takin’ pishiurs, else Ah gets mah bazooker aht. Nuff said”

Bouffe’s waiting staff was said to be distraught and unavailable for comment.