Not in front of the heavies

Pe’al. Come to Haas.

Haas… No, not now. Go away, please

Awww, you look so fluffy an’ sof’. Ah jus’ wan’ ter cuddle. Jus’ one li”le cuddle.

You know you want i’



Haas! This isn’t some seedy music video by a 15 second has-been.

Bugger off.


OFF, Haas!

Look at that – have you forgotten that we’re still babysittingg Putin’s heavies? There’s one right over there, enjoying the spectacle


Ah’ve lost mah mojo. Fanks pe’al.


We really must box these mini-Putins up and send them back to where they came from, darling…

It’s ruining our marriage.

How to train your waitress, Part II

So, mes amis. Time for an educational interlude.

Recently I identified some developmental needs in my waitress. She is a slow learner, as we have already established, so I was prepared for a long battle ahead.

Waitress training, phase 1

I tried nudging her ankles, she bent down to give me a noserub, but nothing changed.

I then threw my toys in my poo tray, which I had thought sent a pretty clear message about my expectations, but nothing changed.

Bouffe in his tray

I then chewed some holes in waitress’s favourite cushion to attract her attention, but nothing changed.

Bunstructed Cushion

Waitress training, phase 2

I decided to resort to a more confrontational form of education, the Pee Protest Method.

I peed over the edge of my tray in front of her, right after she’d changed my bed and tray.

But nothing changed.

Bouffe Aim

She bought me a different one. So I peed in front of it.

Bouffe protest pee

But nothing changed.

So I peed beaucoup in front of the new tray to teach her. I also peed in the tray in front of the waiter to divide and rule my workforce.

But nothing changed.

Bouffe Multiple protest Pee

Then she stuffed the new tray full of straw, because she knows I am partial to having a wee on straw sometimes. That old chestnut!

And nothing changed.

Exasperated, I provided a guidance pee.

Bouffe Guidance Pee

This is when my immensely intellectually challenged waitress finally understood what I had wanted all along: my old poo tray back, merci beaucoup ma bonne.

Bouffe Victory Pee

Vraiment, it takes a colony of lagomorphs to train a waitress.

Eventually I prevailed and I now have my favourite poo tray back after many months, and have gained a lovely hay box for digging in, chewing on and heaping onto my bed for her to find and tidy up each morning.

You have to keep ‘em on their toes!

Bouffe Hay Box

Every day is a school day.

I am the black border, the anger, the disgust and so many more

Bunnington Post editor-in-chief:

Theodoor Holman, translated by Asher ben Avraham

Originally posted on Ashers Hersenspinsels:

On Tuesday, 22 July 2014, the Dutch writer and poet Theodor Holman published his daily column in the Dutch newspaper Het Parool. This time he wrote an impressive poem about the immense emotional impact the shooting down of passenger flight MH117 in Ukraine and subsequent death of all passengers and crew had on him.

The poem is called Ik ben de rouwrand, de woede, de afschuw en nog zo veel meer. This translates in English asI am the black border, the anger, the disgust and so many more.

This poem deserves to be read by the international public. With kind permission of the author I translated this poem into English. I present his poem now on the National Day of Mourning in The Netherlands which has been declared by the Dutch government.


I am the peasant who saw bodies falling out of the sky.

And I, I got…

View original 363 more words

Continental Blowtorch fashion


Even in my native France I did not need my Blowtorch fur that often, but this week I have felt the need to rummage it out of my wardrobe.

Et voilà, que pensez-vous of my super short look? Even Katrijn approves…




It is much more comfortable in the heat and has the added benefit of being able to assess cuddle performance much better through increased sensibility on my back. My waitress is grateful for the detailed feedback, she said.

Putin’s heavies come calling

Haas eating a dandelion

[Waitress] Haas? … Haas!

[Katrijn] He’s busy. What is it?

[Waitress] There’s some security staff at the door asking for Haas. They sound a bit Russian.

Three bodyguards in suits and sunglasses


[Waitress] Haas!

[Katrijn] He says, put them in the shed with the other ones.

pink shed

Putin’s Poroshenko problem

ORRITE, Puters?

Putin on the phone


Yeah, Ahll ‘ave ter keep i’ shor’ Vlad, on accoun’ of da wife no’ likin’ me talkin’ ter you ma’e.



Nah, i’s’s no’ abaht us goin’ thru our bi-curious phase togevva an’ she da jealous type.

I”s da fact dat you are a Russian dicta’or wot makes ‘er umconfor’able.  Yeah?

An’ Ahm busy ‘avin’ a poo.


Nah, we’ve put da Kim Jong Il inciden’ behin’ us, aven” we? You were jus’ experimen’in’.


Katrijn doesn” like ter socierlise wif dicta’ors ‘n suppressors an’ da like. She gets ‘er belly full anyway when she’s trea’in’ ‘em for their various personali’y disorders in ‘er prac’ice.

You lo’ are all crazy, yer know dat?!


Ahm talki’ ter you now because we ‘ave his’ory togevva an’ Ah feel sorry for you ma’e.


Ahm a bi’ of a softie, yeah.


Yer could be more gra’eful, Ah’ve go’ be”er fings ter do wif mah time, orrite Vlad?!


Apolergy accep’ed.


D-Day celebrashiuns, yeah…


‘e was dere too. Poroshenko. Indeed.

Wot’s da problem ma’e?


You fink ‘e likes you.


You fink you like ‘im.


‘e gave you ‘da’ look.

Putin eyes up Poroshenko



You just’ wan’ed to grab dat red tie and pull ‘im towards you an’ kiss ‘im and mess up ‘is hair wif yer ‘ands – Ah don” need ter ‘ear wot comes next


An’ it gave you bu”erflies and you don” know wot ter do wif yer feelin’s


Well, if i’ feels like da whole world is watchin’, dat’s because it is.




Wen Ah ‘ave ter make up wif Katrijn wen Ah’ve been bad?


Ah give ‘er back wot I stole from ‘er, ‘umby make amends an’ neva try again. Da recipe for a long an’ ‘appy marriage.

Haas and Katrijn lounging in the grass





The Bunny on the Tube, Part Six

What you see is what you get. Magicians, illusionists, politicians and other con-men,
they all say exactly this: “what you see is what you get”.
They know the unknown, they can see the unseen.
All you see, is what they allow you to see.
That’s what you get.Stage magicians often use mirrors to create an illusion,
but that very same mirror can also be used to destroy it.
I’m pretty confident this bunny wouldn’t mind sharing us,
what’s being said behind his back.
It’s not gossip, oh no, it’s worse. It’s the truth!

“Assurez-vous qu’ils avalent le moins de dentifrice possible”.
(make sure your kid doesn’t swallow this toothpaste)
Ahah! bien sur! Haha!
And just because it’s in the fine print, we have to assume all is fine.
Ahah! Naturellement! Haha!

Poisoning little children for a profit, would probably
cause a dent to the reputation of the manufacturer.
Maybe even a megadent.
But our bunny hero knows better;
It’s an ultradent!

It’s all so obvious, it’s all so very clear.
And yet, I’m still not entirely convinced.
There are some doubts, still.
I just need to examine this bunny closer.
A little bit.

Bunny On the Tube 6

Bouffe baffles boffins

From our reporter

Scientists at MIT continue to be intrigued by Bouffe’s dexterity and nimbleness after successfully adjusting to his severe head tilt. Unexplained achievements have been recorded in a controlled environment designed to map the effects of living at a 90 degree angle with 15% of the body while 85% continues to function level with the rest of the world.

Destructive behaviour

Technically speaking, the angle of Bouffe’s head should prevent him from engaging in typically destructive behaviour associated with the fully aligned lagomorph

explains Professor Ko Nijntje of the Lagomorph Developmental Physiology Centre.

Examples of such behaviour include bunstructioneering living arrangements through scratching and pulling, upturning food and water bowls and chewing on interesting objects like strawbales.

Up until now, we were certain that headtilt of the severity that Bouffe experiences would make such activity physically impossible.

Bouffe rearrages his bed

Bunstructed straw bale

Scientific significance

Professor Nijntje points out the importance of the findings for the scientific community worldwide.

To add to our bafflement – which is shared by Bouffe’s personal physician, I hasten to add – Bouffe’s playfulness levels also exceed those previously measured.

Bouffe continues to throw his toys out of his cot, as it were, when his food bowl is empty, knowing that this will bring his waiting staff rushing to serve up a tasty treat or a refill.

He has been known to throw his rattle at 5am to wake his staff and demand service. We have measured this typical behaviour several times in the last few weeks.

To the uninitiated, this may sound self-evident. Professor Nijntje explains the significance of Bouffe’s continued naughtiness:

In our lab, we carried out experiments with volunteers, mostly post doc researchers, who had their heads fixed at a 90 degree angle and were invited to carry on as normal. As a precaution, we took their car keys off them and checked our insurance policy, but otherwise left them to get on with their usual activities.

What we found was that their sense of humour was the first thing to go as soon as the novelty wore off, and days wore on. Bouffe outperformed them on each of the identified KPIs measuring adjustment to head tilt.

So, what this really means for mankind is that lagomorphs can teach us a thing or two when it comes to retaining our zest for life under difficult circumstances?



Defying gravity, defying science

Does this mean Bouffe is defying not only gravity, but also science as we have known it up to know?

Professor Nijntje veers up:

I guess that would be a fair summary, yes. In fact, I rather like that conclusion. Mind if I use that one for my upcomingNature article?

Bouffes straw bale

Bouffe’s head tilt shuffle

Alors mes amis, you’ve been kind enough to keep asking me how I have been.

Well, while the truth is I am having trouble remembering the glory days when I had the ladies chasing me to lavish their attentions on me, things are not too bad.

I get to beat up a vet once every few weeks (they took out an ASBO against me so now I can only visit once every three or so weeks instead of weekly) and I get fussed over no end. The food is great and my waitress has given up that stupid job of hers to wait on me full-time.

So, all in all pretty good stuff, I’d say.

What is it like to have head tilt you ask? Let me show you.

I would not describe it as a must-have, but it does make you look at the world from a different perspective, as it were.

Par example, these days I like to consider things while lying down a lot more…



I have to also say I quite like having a posh bed these days:


Very comfortable, and a soft landing when stumbling is guaranteed.

I also like to spend time in the great outdoors. After all, it is spring!


Not overly keen on grass though. I have become too attached to my soft pillows!


Really, it’s OK. I’m still overjoyed when my waiting staff return home from going out to buy me fresh kale and celery.

I like to wait for them on the doormat to say hello as soon as they arrive! One must make an effort to appreciate one’s staff, it keeps morale going…


Oooh, is that a biscuit?!

Katrijn versus the storm

ring-ring… ring-ring…

Katrijn in a Storm

Man’s voice Storms-R-Us, this is your friendly local Weather God speaking, my name is Bob Thunder, how may I help you today?

Katrijn Bob.

Bob Katrijn, is that you?

Katrijn Bob.

Bob Katrijn, please speak up, there is a lot of background noise.

Katrijn BOB. I have a category 3 thunderstorm here that wasn’t on the project log. You wouldn’t know anything about it, would you?

Bob A category 3 you say? Let me look that up…


I’m having trouble finding it in the log. Do you mind if I pop you on hold for a minute?

Katrijn In fact I do, and you will do no such thing, I thank you Bob.

I will stay on the line while you have a look.

Bob [sounding slightly unnerved] Right… Let’s see… Hm, it’s not in here. Let’s get the schedule for the 2pm to 3pm out and have a look…

Katrijn It won’t be on there.

Bob WHAT? You need to speak up, I can’t hear you.


Bob [sounding nervous] Eh… It’s not… How did you know?



Bob Well, I have no reason to believe that is not the case considering the current AI is leveraging effect going forwards. No AI can be operational without the required synergistic authorisation, which is managed across the matrix, and…


Bob I have no reason to believe…



Bob [mumbles]


Bob I dunno.

Katrijn BOB.

Bob [voice wavering] Katrijn?



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