29 March 2019: we predict a riot

Bloody hell Mrs May.

I know about the time difference between the UK and Beijing and you are a good customer with your high dependency on bunstructivist-developmental therapy since June 2016, but I need to inform you that I am not amused at receiving your call at 3.34 in the morning. Haas was just settled back into the hay box after a trip to the litterbox, and

Too much information you say? TOO. MUCH. INFORMATION. Says the woman who went on primetime telly explaining boy jobs and girl jobs to the nation.

No, reserve the right to be grumpy, opinionated and unprofessional to whomever I like at 3.39am, Prime Minister included. Frankly I just want you to go away now.

Well, don’t say I’m not brilliant at compartmentalising my opinions. I’ll listen.

No Prime Minister, your critics have a point. We need to see more evidence that you do have a good grasp of what exiting the EU means for anyone but yourself. And if I might add, with your track record you certainly can’t lay claim to being concerned for EU nationals in the UK.

As usual you do not think things through and I suspect that you are once again pandering to all kinds of interests that have no business influencing anything.

Yes, that is my professional opinion. I’m on the clock now. 3:56am and counting.

I can’t hear what you’re saying. Blow your nose for a moment, have a sip of water.

I am sure Philip still approves of you?

Well, maybe ease off on the boy job thing a bit and see what happens. Back to proper stuff. What are you going to do to prevent utter chaos on 29th March next year? Please tell me there is a plan.

Oh sod your endless excuses, I’m going back to bed.

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