29 March 2019: we predict a riot

Bloody hell Mrs May.

I know about the time difference between the UK and Beijing and you are a good customer with your high dependency on bunstructivist-developmental therapy since June 2016, but I need to inform you that I am not amused at receiving your call at 3.34 in the morning. Haas was just settled back into the hay box after a trip to the litterbox, and

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Too much information you say? TOO. MUCH. INFORMATION. Says the woman who went on primetime telly explaining boy jobs and girl jobs to the nation.

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No, reserve the right to be grumpy, opinionated and unprofessional to whomever I like at 3.39am, Prime Minister included. Frankly I just want you to go away now.

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Well, don’t say I’m not brilliant at compartmentalising my opinions. I’ll listen.

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No Prime Minister, your critics have a point. We need to see more evidence that you do have a good grasp of what exiting the EU means for anyone but yourself. And if I might add, with your track record you certainly can’t lay claim to being concerned for EU nationals in the UK.

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As usual you do not think things through and I suspect that you are once again pandering to all kinds of interests that have no business influencing anything.

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Yes, that is my professional opinion. I’m on the clock now. 3:56am and counting.

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I can’t hear what you’re saying. Blow your nose for a moment, have a sip of water.

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I am sure Philip still approves of you?

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Well, maybe ease off on the boy job thing a bit and see what happens. Back to proper stuff. What are you going to do to prevent utter chaos on 29th March next year? Please tell me there is a plan.

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Oh sod your endless excuses, I’m going back to bed.

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