From our reporter – No arrests have been made over the assassination of Bouffe in the early hours of this morning. Multiple theories exist about what is believed to be the murder weapon, a slipper.
Who killed Bouffe?
It is a question plastered across newspapers and billboards across the world today, as forensic experts work to establish ownership of the suspected murder weapon, a slipper found on the crime scene. One theory is adamant: the slipper belongs to Vladimir Putin, and the assassination is politically motivated. Another has it that Putin’s heavies are to blame, and it is them behind the murder: they all wear Kremlin-issued slippers.
While forensic investigators were combing the site of the gruesome crime against lagomorphs, crowds gathered outside to lay carrot wreaths and light candles, while a spontaneous rendition of Bright Eyes spread across the mourners.
Haas and Katrijn have appealed for privacy and space for the investigation to take its course. A statement from Haas read:
“Bouffe was mah mate, yeah, orrite, so buzz off wif yer drones flyin’ ova mah manshiun takin’ pishiurs, else Ah gets mah bazooker aht. Nuff said”
Bouffe’s waiting staff was said to be distraught and unavailable for comment.