Ankle biting

Allez, mes amis. Back to work.

As you know I always have my ear to the ground on matters of importance.

Guess where I am today? Eh?

Eh??

OK, a visual clue.

Still nothing?

OK… THere they have been having a bit of a Dalek problem lately, hence some rather naff security measures.

Finally… Yes, it’s the fantastique NATO summit 2014 in Newport, Wales! The locals are delighted! Because every lagomorph secretly wants a fighter jet and some armoured vehicles parked outside!

C’est merveilleux, non?!

Mes chers amis Leonard and Jeffy nearly had their mansion flattened by a badly parked F16 so they had to put a flag pole in their front door. Comme c’est undignified, oui?!

Eh bien.

As I was saying, now that you have caught up with me, it pays to have one’s oreille to the ground.

I won’t keep you in suspense, here is a transcript of my under-the-table eavesdropping.

Cameron He did what?

Obama Great question, buddy!

Poroshenko He ruffled my hair and then he touched my buttocks.

Merkel throwing meaningful look Renzi’s way Tut-tut. Russians.

Renzi This is an outrage! We have to stop this madness, or we’re all going to be fondled by this crazed politicophile. I call for a NATO veto on… er… on, ehm…

Hollande I’m sure this is Merkel’s foot. Bit big. Definitely no cankles though… very shapely.

Ooh, she’s cuddling me back! Hmm, nice. Keep going, Schatzi. Der Franz is liking it.

This is going to be quite a summit, hehehh…

…

Oops, hang on, I think those are Petro’s feet…