Risk assessment

I could go up the stairs.

Not allowed

I could jump on the sofa.


I could disconnect the phone.

Deeply unappreciated by waiter and waitress

I could sit on the dining room table.

Frowned upon

I could bunstruct the laundry basket

Upsets waiting staff

I could redecorate the bathroom with loo paper.

Total bathroom ban likely

I hope they appreciate how well behaved I am today


  1. Bouffe: Ben oui mon cher Spike! Dismissed my desastreux staff and had new waitresses on trial over the weekend.

    Had to rehire waiter and waitress (had to pay for a return ticket back to the UK – snarf) after New Waitress 1 quit after just one day over my eating my ceacals straight from my bottom and New Waitress 2 upset me when she didn’t offer to share her Christmas pudding with me.

    You just can’t get the staff these days.


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