Dis ‘ere is me gorgeous wife, rite. Ah know she needs pretectin’ cos of ‘er voicemail bein’ ‘acked into by some eejit NoW journo an’ she’s ben very upse’ abaht it all.
If it wazzen’ fer da fone ‘ackin’ biz no-one would know abaht ‘er mane problems, ‘er spats with Delores and ‘er eatin’ disorder. So frem now on Ah shall be pretecting ‘er modesty and privvecy wif renewed energy.
Mah poor pe’al is still very upset abaht givin’ everdence at Westminsta yesterday. Off wif ya, pap!