‘I am Katrijn, born 12th April 2008, and this is my last Will and Testament.’
‘I hereby declare all others as fake as Donald Trump’s tan and claims of Boris Johnson’s intelligence.’
Snort… What the hell? If you insist… ‘I hereby declare that I am of legal age – duh! – and sound mind, so stop fucking around and listen up.’
‘This last Will expresses my express wishes and diva demands, which I have ways of enforcing even after my death, so don’t even think about it. I have connections who still owe me.’
‘I hereby empower my waiter and waitress to carry out my Will as my executors. They are not as stupid as they think they are. They are sweet and caring, and they know good kale from stale. In other words: do what they say or else!’
‘To my waiter and waitress I bestow my intellectual legacy, rights and property, all copyrighted materials and my water bowl. I also have a secret stash of poos which they will find once I am gone if they would only look for it.’
‘It is my express wish that they appoint two new lagomorph editors to the editorial board of The Bunnington Post. The job is frankly too important to leave to mere humans. Your species is simply too stupid to handle such an important role.’
That’s it, I’ve lost interest in this now. Goodbye.