How to Train Your Waitress, part I


Brought to you by BAFFLED Labs Founder and CEO, Bouffe

Welcome to my new educational workshop for lagomorphs, How To Train Your Waitress. For our first workshop we will be exploring techniques and the importance of your waitress/waiter understanding reciprocity.

Most waiters and waitresses will fairly quickly learn the basics of stroking direction and appropriate cuddle sites. We lagomorphs possess instinctive training skills that are far superior to those of any living species and to teach our staff we will therefore move to a more advanced level in this workshop.

For your viewing pleasure I have uploaded an instructional video demonstrating how I conduct a training session with my waitress. As you will see, it takes patience and kindness to train waiting staff but eventually it will pay off. Your investment may mean you will enjoy many a relaxed session, even if like me, you have to make do with an average-witted waitress and waiter.

Reward and punishment

As I mentioned in my introduction, the concept of reciprocity is important. Good behaviour and technique should be rewarded, while bad behaviour and technique should be dealt with firmly with a shake of the head, or if the transgression is more serious (such as putting fingers in your ears or touching your whiskers) a grunt and possibly a warning nip.

Consequently rewarding learning and punishing transgressions is important when training your waitress/waiter. They are naturally slow learners, but also plagued by self-doubt and low self-esteem. Do not hold this against them however, because they mean well and are mostly harmless.

Good practice

In the following video you will see how I reward good technique without encouraging complacency: always remember who is boss.

Of course, it goes without saying that it is crucially important that you keep your waitress’s/waiter’s training up to date.

Good luck, and do share your own tips and experiences in the comments box below!


  1. We have been neglecting the positive reinforcement portion of this program. Perhaps our humans can be trained after all! – Spike and Sweetpea


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