Haas on Hare

Dear Inma’s Vintage Jot Pierce majestic Capt’n sir,

Ah got ter give i’ to yer waitress, good finkin’, buyin’ you a practise ‘are. Obvs you are still missin’ an ‘xepshiun’lly importan’ poin’:

Do not bury da ‘are

Ah repeat:

DO NOT BURY DA ‘ARE

‘ares are clausterfobes yeah, an’ dey ‘ave dis diserbilli’y which keeps ’em from properly diggin’ tunnels ‘n such, dey don’ like ter talk abaht it cos it makes ’em feel inferior. Some deformi’y of da undercarriage like, da ole engineerin’ equipmen’, da on-board diggin’ facili’y us lagopmorphs ‘ave been blessed wif. Mus’ ‘ave been full moon or somfink wen da ole diggers were ‘anded out durin’ da Big Ban’ cos da entire leporidae family missed ou’.

But Ah digress. Back ter importan’ ma’ers! Nice sticks. We like dem sticks. Da sticks rock, Ah say da sticks are sick, we like de ole toss of da stick durin’ playtime, orrite. Yer definitely onto somfink good ‘ere. Get some new ones fer yer da’e.

Same wif eggboxes. Nuffin’ be’er dan a fresh box ter bunstruct.

Final poin’ ter make an’ dis is of da utmos’ importance. Get shavin’ now. Is gonna take some time Ah fink, but yer defini’ly channelin’ dat pirate king ances’ry wif dem curls you got goin’ mate. I’s da flappin’ in da wind Ahm worried abaht: it will drag da bof of yer overboard if dere’s a bi’ of a breeze when you finally get ter do da Leonardo Di Cabrio/Kate Win-Slet King of da World-scene wif yer ‘are.

Anyroad, go’a go, mah Katrijn needs me ter fan ‘er as we’re ‘avin’ a bi’ o’ a hea’wave ova ‘ere. Best o’ luck, an’ fer chrissakes, don’ bite an’ toss dat ‘are aroun’ like Ah know ya do yer teddybear wen yer sleepwalkin’. NOT a good idea.

Yer first mate,

Haas

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