And now for that great journalistic December tradition: predictions for the new year. Being conscious of my responsibilities as an international style icon, I am only too pleased to share some of my genius with my faithful followers.
1. Fancy footwork
UGGs are so 2007 – hello, where you you been?! If you are still wearing those vile, snow-soaking things that ruin every joint from your ankles up, now is the time to own up to the error of your ways and resolve to make 2011 an UGG-free year. And don’t just look after your feet, either. Vegan footwear all the way for this ladybun, my dear.
2. Ditch the shades
I know, I know, you didn’t invest £370 in a pair of prescription Prada shades only to ditch them a few months later. But do you really want to look like a Z-list celeb? Thought not.
Panda eyes have been empirically proven to reduce UV glare and protect peepers from harmful rays. So if you haven’t been blessed with nature’s gifts like I have, party on and cultivate those dark circles. It will be the summer look du jour for 2011, mark my words.
3. Blend in
No, I don’t mean into the crowd. Wear your environmental consciousness on your sleeve by opting for a style which respects and reflects your natural environment. This means hay bales for country-dwellers, buckets and feathers for fishermen, brick spencers for city people. You get the drift.
4. Matching arm candy
And this brings me to my next prediction. Yes, ladies, 2011 will see the return of arm candy selected purely for style reasons. Make sure that man matches your handbag! Have him dye his eyebrows to complement yours for that perfect Facebook profile picture! Get one which looks good in your pet carrier as well as lounging on a bed of hay!
You did not think it a coincidence that Haas’s colouring matches mine, did you? Why do you think he bleaches his belly and tail?
5. Stop trying too hard
Nothing is as unsexy as an overstyled look. Take heed, Victoria Beckham! Chill out and have fun. Better to have a knot or two in your mane while out having a good time than looking so perfectly groomed you can’t actually leave your hutch anymore. Two words: