I’ve been receiving some questions from fellow diggers across the globe – from Chile to Witney to Michigan. It seems I am not the only pro in the field which is heartening, since I don’t get that much in the way of support from my Bink or even Haas.
Re. Gozer’s traction problem, I’ve analysed the footage dear Goz, and I can’t see anything wrong with your technique. In fact, I am very impressed by your incredible energy and your strategic approach which is simply inspirational darling. I wouldn’t change a thing. I applied some of my learning yesterday and managed to increase my output from around 4 inches a day to 6, so I am very grateful for your post!
Now, I did have two other thoughts. One is your coat, which impractically thick. It’s all about streamlining this season honey, as demonstrated by my own svelte physique. Get a haircut and feel the difference. Do send me a picture of your new look!
The other is your equipment. Clearly you are faced with a challenging surface here and there is only one solution for that one: get your hoomin to buy you diamonds for the soles of your feet and nails. Diamonds are a digger’s best friends darling! And don’t let them fob you off with those horrid Swarovski chrystals, those are for chavs as we all know.
A final word on equipment is about maintenance. Well-maintained equipment is key, or KEYS: Keep Your Equipment Squeaky clean. If it’s important, have an acronym, they’re all the rage. KEYS.
Hang on, there’s something wrong with that one. Eh? Can’t figure out what though. Oh. That’s going to bother me now…
Thank you so much for the kind words and wonderful advice. I will inform my bunny slave of my need for diamonds immediately and I have already scheduled an appointment with my stylist for tomorrow. I am so excited to put your advice to work!
I’ll definitely keep a keen eye on whatever rocks the hoomins come up with. It would be just like them to try passing off crystals for the real thing. You see, they spend all of their money on acupuncture for that tilty little beggar that keeps following me around. Its quite irritating, really.
Well, it is comforting to know that despite the appalling decline of society in general you continue to stand as a shining example of grace and wisdom. Bravo Delores!
Your humble servant,
Gozer the Gozarian