Category: Delores

There is a vicious rumour going round that I have had an earjob. I would like to go on record that I have not. I am naturally blessed with one black, and one white ear, as any professional Harlequin bun will. Don’t believe everything you ear in the press!

Yes, you read it here first, I am a Saint. And I’m not even dead yet! You see, Ben is so impressed with my miraculous influence on the world – outbreaks of adoration, happiness and world peace and stuff – that he felt he could sanctify me while I’m still firing on all six .44…

I will not vacate my hutch to go to my secret destination until Lillibet’s helicoptre gets here. I don’t care if Bink chose to travel cattle class to our mansion. I’d like to travel the four feet in royal style as befits my status. And can I have my poo tray back please? My .44…

Have them cleaned and brought to my hutch!

Oh, it’s that yearly Cadbury’s marketing bonanza again, here we go with all the inane Easter Bunny questions again: 1. No, the Easter Bunny doesn’t exist. Sorry. 2. Yes, a bunny is for life, not just for Easter. 3. No, I don’t like chocolate 4. Yes, that beautiful bum can be achieved on a chocolate-less…

So I get to the Lanvin counter to get your Leaf Pochette, right, and I’m not being funny or anything, but there is this great big throng of waitresses all pushing and shoving to get to the bags, and they’re all going for the Leaf Pochette! I mean, not a single one was interested in…

Dahling, be a dear will you, pop down to Harrods for me and pick me up a Leaf Pochette from the Lanvin counter? I have nowhere to put my carrots, it’s terribly unbecomely for a ladybun to have to expose them to civilians. Oh, and do tell dear Mohammed I will let it be his…