Now then. Since we sorted out the mess at the White House earlier this month we find ourselves with a bit more time on our hands. Good, innit? Yes, Joe and Kamala are most grateful for our crucial support, but we won’t brag about it.
And because we know we’re kind of the new buns around here, and what with our illustrious predecessor Katrijn leaving us with such a clear brief we felt it was high time we put our manifesto out there, keeping up the proud Bunnington Post tradition of opining on politics, preposterous people and lagomorph and other world affairs.
So, without further ado, and without boring you with jargon, here are the headlines of our manifesto.
Sort out the climate emergency
We did this on Sunday morning. A nice dump of snow ought to do it, but we’ll keep an eye on things just in case.
Sort out conspiracy theorists
We’ll confess that we find this one quite entertaining at times. I mean, baby eating democrats in the basement of a pizza place? COVID, Bill Gates and nano-whotsits? Where do people get these ideas? Do they get out a dictionary, flick through it and point randomly at words and create some story around this politician or that event?! We have no other explanation, really.
Worrying though that people can get so suspicious of each other that they whip up all these ideas and then choose only to listen to those who echo them. Some tough nuts to crack there for sure.
So, when we stop laughing we’ll sort them out, worry not. Personally we’re geeky buns and like to nerd around with unfashionable stuff like facts, figures and science, just to give you a flavour of what that looks like.
Sort out incompetent politicians
Truly, you didn’t think we’d shy away from poking fun of the BoJo’s of the world? Our PM is way too funny to leave alone, but sadly, his goofing around is in fact killing people right now. So once this COVID bollocks is over, we’ll crack jokes about his hair or whatever, but for now we’re sticking to the acid bath for Boris. He needs a proper good scrubbing down to strip that Eton Teflon off his skin.
We’re good at stripping down. Leave it with us…
Sort out bad attitude
People are animals. They misbehave constantly. They create issues that need not exist. They refuse to learn. They bash each other over the head over nothing. They are crap at snorgling, sharing, bunstructing the correct way, expressing themselves with grace and loving each other.
They say the planet is now too small for them. We say learn to appreciate your spaces and share them generously. Cuddle up together, make room. What is good about wanting more and more if it is not even edible?
Sort out exclusivists
And then there’s those who reduce the way to be to one skin colour, to one creed, to one orientation, to one nationality, to one whatever, deeming all others inferior. Who decides?! No-one gets to do that.
No-one and nothing.
For that lot we have two words: fuck you. We’ll call them out whenever we feel like it and do it whatever way pleases us.
If you don’t like it, you know where to kiss me.
We’re pretty pissy buns
Yep… enough of the niceties. Let’s get going! But if you want your saccharine fix too: we’re being cute and cuddly for your happyscrolling needs over on Instagram. Come and find us and give us a snorgle or two.
We’re really quite nice underneath the ‘tude!