Mrs May’s Magic Money Tree

Dear Mrs May,

We have been shaking our Magic Money Tree as per your expert guidance. Something is not right because our 2017 yield appears to be roughly 8,200,000,000% and 150,000,000,000% lower than Her Maj’s and the DUP’s respectively:


What are we doing wrong? Maybe we should water it with NHS nurse sweat? Or the soot collected from an overstretched London firefighter’s brow? And what are your thoughts on compost from unsold pencils that schools can no longer afford to buy? Or should we move it to an elite greenhouse away from regular people and try some Boris Johnson Hot Air™ instead?

We know you’re the expert in all of the above, so any tips appreciated. We’d like to be in on this one and buy ourselves some ‘democratically mandated leadership’ ourselves too.


Confused in Oxfordshire


Spill your beans here - you know you want to!

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