Please send help. I have today undergone the ultimate humuliation: waking up with the Brazilian of Shame and the discovery that an essential part of me (times two) has been surgically removed while I was snoozing. How am I ever going to get a girlfriend when I can no longer impress her?
This is me in my intact splendour, a reminder of completer times:
I hereby send my membership application form for Haas and Bouffe’s Victim Support Group.
Waiter/waitress: Sarah and Stuart
History: rescued August 2015; adopted August 2015; emaciated, neglected and filty
Current situation: sore, well-fed, adored, single and increasingly
That said, I have some cause to believe that I may have ended up somewhere nice. The waitstaff seems pretty well trained already, so I could be in luck this time around. Also, the facilities are most suited to the bunnington lifestyle: plenty of bunstruction opportunities, spacious, clean and secured against tumbleweeds and other native threats.
I have chosen my new favourite spot already:
What are your best tips for showering my new wait staff with my indignation and disapproval without jeopardising brekkers, lunch and dinner? I await your instructions with keen anticipation.
Miller is absolutely adorable. And is obviously disposed to be happy, despite his missing bits.
Isn’t he just? And to think Miller entered the rescue as ‘Milly’… Lends a whole new meaning to ‘adding insult to injury’, doesn’t it?!