Obituary: Delores

Founding editor of The Bunnington Post Delores once said, ‘everything tastes as good as big bottae feel’, so single-handedly starting a celebrity trend celebrating the curvy rear.

As the campaign gathered pace and went viral, more celebrities spoke out in admiration of Delores’s famed physique, and many a famous visitor made the pilgrimage to the Oxfordshire Mountain Range for a personal consultation with Dr Delores.

The size debate was one Delores had little time for.

Her busy schedule involving daily hay meditation, running the Bunnington Post newsroom and grooming did not leave much room for debate. She developed her famed, to-the-point counselling style which she once described as ‘Existential Lagomorphism’, often pointing out to the troubled celebrities she counselled to simply enjoy what is in front of you.

Her waiting staff were not always keeping up with her relentless pace:

Delores wrote about many topics, but none with as much heart and dedication as her boundless adoration of Bink.

After briefly dating online, Delores firmly decided on Bink as her eternal beloved and set about to vigorously shower him with her attentions. Bink would often be seen rocking from side to side as his ears were being groomed.

Where Bink was, Delores went too.

They had many adventures together.

The day Bink died was the saddest of her life. Her friends rallied round her, Elton lent her his private plane and took her to Harrods; Beyonce sent her chef to ensure Delores’s bottae would not suffer any ill effects of her heartbreaking grief.

Haas and Katrijn remained her biggest supporters throughout, always ready to raise an ear and pass on some treats to cheer her up.

Black Cat was often seen popping by carrying a little something from the Lanvin counter at Harrods, never failing to lift Delores’s spirits in doing so.

The Chilean mining disaster saw Delores consulting for the Chilean government as a tunnelling expert. Turning her own country estate into an experimental lab, she designed the shuttle which eventually lifted all miners to safety.

She wasn’t afraid to get her digging equipment dirty either.

Of course, Delores left her biggest mark on fashion. Worshipped by designers the world over, who competed to call her their muse, Delores inspired many a season with her unique sense of style.

Nothing cheered her up like a new dress:

She certainly knew how to carry off the look, oft-copied by starlets such as Lady Blah-Blah but never equalled.

Delores never really overcame the grief of losing Bink. An online dalliance with Bouffe fizzled out as quickly as it flared up.

She simply could not get over his lack of dating manners.

Despite the heartbreak, Delores retained her sunny outlook on life and continued to enjoy the good things in life.

Delores
2002-2012

Adored companion of Bink
Loyal friend to Haas and Katrijn
Object of platonic lust to Bouffe

Sergeant in the Order of Spinach

Role model, campaigner, muse, engineer, counsellor and agony aunt to the stars-and-not-so-bright celebrities

Much missed by her waiting staff

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8 Comments

    1. waitress: thank you! The Bunnington Post newsroom is very quiet without her, and certainly not as stylish. We have pledged to carry on with her good work and will continue to report on her favourite topics: high-end fashion and dressing up, big bottomed girls, vegetables and engineering.

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    1. Waitress: thank you very much… We hope she left the world a better place. for example, we don’t think it is a coincidence that they have invented the mullet hemline this season: ideal for the larger-bottomed lady!

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  1. Goodbye dear Delores, Neville and Holly will see you one day at the Bridge. Holly’s biggest regret is that she didn’t manage to hit the Lanvin counter at Harrod’s with you, it would have been a memorable shopping trip for all lagomorphs and those who aspire to style.

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    1. Waitress: thank you! We just know that Delores is already remodelling and restyling the place beyond the rainbow to ensure her friends feel welcome and at home when they arrive. But knowing her patient nature, she won’t mind waiting a long time!

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