Dear Editor: Waitress Training

Dear friends!

How I miss Oxfordshire… it’s wonderful returning to my roots as a Dutch Lop, and I do so love the cycling along the canals of Den Bosch! However, my place of birth will always have a certain pull. Perhaps it’s age catching up with me, but reading about heatwaves in the Oxonian hills brings back vivid memories of that scorcher, the summer of 2003.

But I digress! I write to report on my progress on the waitress training front.

I know all about the difficulties of recruiting and retaining decent waiting staff, and I think I’ve found the perfect solution to the problem: grow your own waitress!

Meet my home-made waitress, Emily. At just over a year and a half old she is very keen to learn new things and be guided by my ten years of experience and wisdom. Here we are during a petting training session last week:

Isn’t she talented? I have to be careful around her as she still tends to fall over when she gets excited, but as far as dexterity is concerned, she has a firm grasp of the basics already. I have high hopes she will grow up to be a first-class waitress when she’s older.

Anyway. Hope you are all enjoying an equally exciting service! Do come and see us if you’re ever in the area. The wife and I are very keen for you to meet our trainee waitress so you can see for yourself what a gem we have here.

Best wishes,



  1. Henk writes: How frustrating to see all your hard work wiped out like that! I admire your perseverance. Keep up the good work with your waitress. One day she’ll get the hang of it, I am sure of it!


  2. I was actually in the process of training/growing 3, yes 3, waiters/waitresses, when my mommy (er….waitress) came and took me away. I could have had a waitress grown to my specifications, but instead I’ve had to work on this fully grown human. You just can’t teach an old human new tricks.


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