The Bottae Inspector

Yes, dear fans, even our guest editors have to meet our strict bottae criteria in order to be accepted into the news room of the BP.

Think of it as the medical footballers go through before their multimillion transfers are agreed: we all know you’ve got the goods, we just want you to bare ’em. A rite of passage, if you pardon the pun!

First up: Tia.

Very nice fur. Good shape! Definitely an asset to the newsroom. Approved!

Next: Mitzi and Flopsy

Now, Mitzi passes the test with flying colours, what with being a girl and all that, by definition she is going to have a fine, fine derrière. Throw in those strong genes and we don’t need to spend any more time discussing her membership of the BBC – that’s Bun Bum Club to you and me.

Approved!

It’s the boys you have to worry about. All that kicking around, strutting their stuff and spontaneous binkying about can have an adverse impact on the fat-to-muscle ratio of the revered hind quarter.

Let us take a closer look to rule out any problems.

A-ha. I see. Yes… Right.

See, the untrained eye can easily mistake the spots on Flopsy’s assets for undesired muscle build-up. Fortunately for Flopsy, though a little on the athletic side as far as my personal taste is concerned, his black spots are simply black spots, and not the dreaded symptoms of Schwarzenegger Syndrome. In which case I would have had to refer him to the BBBBC (British Bun Body Builder Club) instead.

Well done Flopsy, your bottae too is approved!

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