Contrary to reports in the red top segment of the press, we are actually a very easily pleased bunch when it comes to diet. That said, this does not mean you can shove anything our way and we’ll be OK, because the Celebun digestive system is a delicate affair which needs proper looking after to keep it in optimal health.
One of our best-kept secrets is that we need to eat virtually non-stop. Picture a conveyor belt which collapses as soon as food stops being added. A belt which has stopped for a few hours is already seriously damaged and may need a long time to be nursed back to full health, and may possibly be beyond the reach of meds and vets.
So pay attention and learn some tried-and-tested recipes from your resident experts-by-experience.
1. Grass
Does this need an introduction? Grass is the holy grail of the Celebun diet, the first, the last, the one and only, unbeatable, five Michelin-star territory of gastronomic achievement, provided free of charge by Mother Nature. Eat your heart out, celebrity chef: nothing in the whole wide world beats a sprig personally ripped from its roots on a sunny spring morning. Or any morning for that matter. ’nuff said.
Fig. 1, professional grass processing in progress
2. Hay
In second place, not surprisingly, our second-favourite staple food is nothing less than grass in its dried state. This is not because we are unimaginative creatures, but because we know what is good for us. Rich in fibre and oh-so-tasty, no Celebun should ever be without a ready supply of hay.
Sadly, often hay is mistaken for bedding. Yes, we do like that decadent feeling of rolling in it, nudging and tossing it and it does make for a soft, fragrant, comfortable bed which also encourages late-night snacking, but once slept on, we’re not so keen on eating what has essentially become our mattress. So daily top-ups are crucial, also because together with grass, hay makes up at least 60% of our daily diet and we like to eat this stuff virtually non-stop.
Fig. 2, designer hay dispenser
3. Veg
Where to start on vegetables?! Gimme broccoli, carrots, parsnips, spring greens, celery, paksoi – any edible kitchen scraps are good. Shame carrots, parsnips and the odd piece of apple (poisonous pips removed) are high in sugar and they are rationed. Still, every morning is a surprise and a source of joy as I discover what’s for breakfast today. Even if I can’t always remember where to find the multi-functional hay dispenser…
Fig. 3, vegetable dispensing
4. Edible toys
Our teeth grow approx. 1 millimetre per day. This is a clever boredom-busting device designed by Mother Nature to keep us from getting lazy on the job. As a result, we like to chew on our toys. Our top tip therefore is that you might as well buy us edible ones.
Fig. 4-5, edible toys
5. Pellets and treats
Yes. It’s a sure sign of an ignorant/lazy waiter/waitress if all that’s on the menu is pellets. A good quality, all-in-one pellet is what Celebuns with an active lifestyle and a public profile need to stay in shape. No more than 20% of our daily intake consists of pellets served at night to give us an energy boost during the night when it might be cold. By morning we are ravenous and ready for our hay, grass and vegetable serving.
Fig. 6, all-in-one pellets
Treats are a welcome distraction, especially when combined with chasing activities and interesting dispensing devices. We could stuff our furry faces with this but alas, our waiting staff know only too well these are the bunquivalent of MaccyD.
Snarf.
Fig. 7, treats
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Why do we need a Rabbit Awareness Week in the UK? Read about the shocking truth in our quality sister paper, The Guardian.
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