Celebun welfare: Top 5

Rabbit Awareness Week reporting by Dr Delores

As you will appreciate, we Celebuns are high maintenance in the welfare department, despite our generously laid-back attitude to life overall. We see our role as that of mentors of novice bun fans, the Obi-Bun Kenobi’s of the blogosphere, keepers of world peace, and confidantes of the great, the good and the powerful (before I forget, overdue shout-out to my mate Barack!).

We take our responsibilities running the world seriously, so let’s kick off the week with a bit of a tutorial on the topic of Celebun Welware. No talking at the back, please.

1. Undying devotion and adoration

Any self-respecting Celebun needs a minimum level of worship by humans*. Humans are of limited intelligence however, and you will notice a drain on your patience and understanding in certain contexts. Try not to lose your temper, but remember they cannot help being slow witted and clumsy, cumbersome creatures. Compassion is the key word.

The vast majority of humans means well, and is eager to learn. Train them accordingly and your investment will pay off in the long run, when preferences have been taught and tolerances negotiated. An investment worth making.

Fig. 1, Waitress training

* The term ‘slave’ is frowned upon in modern society. We prefer to refer to ours as ‘The Waiter/Waitress’.

2. Technique

It is impossible to overstate the importance of correct technique. Please also refer to the chapter in the manual which deals with individual preference. Some practical examples about personal preference, as demonstrated by my collaborator, Haas:

Fig. 2, Advanced ear-holding technique Level III

Level III was achieved after daily Waiter training over a period of 18 months to 2 years. Not recommended for new learners of the technique.

To start your Ear Holding proficiency training try the below Level I exercise:

Fig. 3, Earholding Level I training exercise

3. Castle

A Celebun needs a castle. No negotiation possible.

The castle may take many shapes, but should always provide a hiding place, a watch tower, platform or crow’s nest, and offer digging/bunstruction opportunities.

The below example is of a bespoke design combining Bink’s Cloaking Device with an elevated digging facility doubling as a crow’s nest, so offering an excellent vantage point at dusk.

Fig. 4, example of Celebun Castle

4. Privacy

With fame and celebrity comes intrusion into the most intimate aspects of your life (note to our bailiffs, the Middletons still haven’t paid our invoice for media training received!).

Fig. 5, example of media intrusion affecting morning ablutions

5 Entertainment

Entertainment may take many forms, including food, toys, food, fashion, cuddles, food, fan mail, interviews and food. Entertainment can be defined as anything that expresses appreciation of and servitude to Celebundom, can be tossed around, climbed in or on, eaten or enjoyed lying down.

Fig. 6, food

Fig. 7, toys and food

Fig. 8, Fashion, toys and food

Figs. 9-11, cuddles

Why do we need a Rabbit Awareness Week in the UK? Read about the shocking truth in our quality sister paper, The Guardian.

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