We promise not to invade Greenland either

We need Greenland because it matches our fur. It is a question of personal security: we are but defenceless prey animals, proverbial sitting ducks, and we need Greenland for the cover it will provide us. Any idiot could tell it makes sense.

We have been training in covert ops in dire situations, no situations were ever direr than the ones we trained in, and we became the bestest of covert operators as a result.

Now the triple incontinent Cheeto with the verbal diarrhoea problem has spiked the whole plan by pissing off Denmark at Davos and our cover is blown. Years of planning and rigorous training in conditions you wouldn’t believe are down the gold leaf drain.

But fear not dear friends, for we have our night vision goggles firmly trained on our next target already. We can’t say anything yet but for those of you who match our intelligence (like, no-one is as intelligent as us, we are the intelligentest in the history of the universe’s universe), here is a cryptic clue.

Watch this space.